Category Archives: Uncategorized

New Javascript Framework: Bois=JS

Why a new Javascript Framework?

There’s lot of javascript frameworks around – CrampJS, Lewjs, js0nwt, Drainage to name a few – and all fit a particular niche within the front end dev community. But these all have a steep learning curve & are probably designed by crazy people.

Bois=JS is a quick,performant, learnant and agiliant framework which works on the following paradigm: Extensible, Extended, Extant. It uses SOLID principles, HOLO principles and seperates front from back in a way that is desirable for modern, universal systems. It uses XML to provide a consistant interface. It is also orange.

How does Bois=JS work?

<bois wrapper="G">
<div method=44>
 <method type="int" return="click">
   ...insert your Javascript here
 </method>
</div>
The Bois=JS "Thunking" PreProcessorThe Bois=JS “Thunking” PreProcessor

Tell me more!

Yes.
Bois=JS leverages modern development paradigms to extend reality beyond 19.

It is

  • Open source
  • Leveraged
  • Ajax-compliant, Redux compliant, flavoursome
  • Runs on all compatible machines
  • Free

How do I install it?

Using npm

apt-get install npm
npm install boisjs --definitely --now --return

Using bower

apt-get install npm
npm install bower
bower install boisjs --now --please --ok

Using kon-pak

apt-get install npm
npm install bower
bower install kp --now --please --ok
kp --requirement /boisjs !!! 500 return

Using INTERSLICE

apt-get install npm
npm install bower
bower install kp --now --please --ok
kp --requirement /insterslice!!! 500 return
npm install bower
bower install kp --now --please --ok
kp --requirement /insterslice!!! 500 return
npm install bower
bower install kp --now --please --ok
kp --requirement /insterslice!!! 500 return
INTERSLICE12

Or compile from source, whatever.

94% of installs will get an obscure Disabled dependancy review error which we will probably address at some point. A quick workaround can be found probably.

API

Bois-JS has an API. Full documentation will be finished as soon as version 2 replaces it.

Anti-Patterns

Be careful not to overuse the G parameter. While the G parameter is integral to how Bois=JS works, using it more than once will result in your program being so slow that it will melt most mobile devices. If you need to work around this, simply use normal Javascript. The same goes for all of the framework. On the other hand, don’t do this because otherwise why bother using the framework.

Contributors

  • Dave
  • Carlos Internet
  • Dave (another Dave)
  • Konstantin Cobra
  • Klondike Roger
  • “Third” Dave
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3 Pictures of First Labour Prime Minister Ramsay MacDonald That Will Look Directly Into Your Soul

1. “I spent 10 years growing this moustache and you’d better look at it and not my dreamy social democrat eyes”

Ramsay MacDonald ggbain.29588.jpg

2. “Look into my tired eyes. I’m fed up of this Tory and Liberal nonsense and I just want to sleep now.”

Ramsay MacDonald ggbain 35734.jpg

3. “Look there’s a great depression leave me alone I’m trying really hard and my moustache is thinning. Stop giving me that look this is really difficult.”

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6 Facts That Will Change The Way You See Jeremy Corbyn

1) Jeremy Corbyn’s favourite TV show of all time is “Jossy’s Giants”

In an interview in 2004 Corbyn announced that his favourite TV show was 1980s BBC children’s comedy-drama “Jossy’s Giants”.  He used to cycle home from Parliament to his Islington home at 4pm every Thursday to watch the exciting football related show.  Said Corbyn “I saw myself in Jossy; a maverick, yet a maverick who could lead the Labour party. Or a football team.”

Corbyn-_466

2) He doesn’t have a favourite Spice Girl

In 1997, at the height of Spice Fever, Corbyn stated at Prime Minister’s Questions “I do not have a favourite Spice Girl, nor will I ever have a favourite Spice Girl”.

His favourite former Spice Girl is Geri Halliwell.

jeremy-corbyn-dont_3341770b

 

3) When you go type “Jeremy Corbyn Your Mum” into Google Image Search for some reason this picture of him and Gerry Adams comes up and I can’t be bothered to look up the context but I’m sure it’s just a beard convention or something,

Jeremy-Corbyn-with-Gerry-Adams

 

4) Jeremy Corbyn has never killed a man, or has he?

He definitely hasn’t, but once, he might have done. There are lots of things we don’t know about. Think about that.

5) Jeremy has only read one book and that book was a short biography of Terry Wogan written from the perspective of  Spandau Ballet bassist Martin Kemp which was written by Liz Kendall’s Mum

In an article for Cosmopolitan in 1989 Corbyn stated that he is generally too busy with left wing politics for reading but that he recently finished reading “Terry’s GOLD: The Life Of Terry Wogan As Told By Martin Kemp Out Of Spandau Ballet” by Mrs Kendall.

3840

6) Jeremy Corbyn looks like a disappointed train driver

Perhaps he is disappointed that the railways are privatised. Or perhaps he is disappointed that he has to do night shifts.

download

 

 

 

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5 Classic Albums To Listen To Before Irreversible Hearing Loss Or Similar

1) The English Heritage Discount – 1917 was cold (Vestige Records, 1989)

Darren “Knife” McDarreth’s is probably now best known for his seminal eclectic 1998 album “Drainage” but in his former band’s 1989 opus he sounds like the end of Thatcherite apartheid, the dawning of a new era, and a feedback static loop from hell. With Dee Da Collins guesting on theramin it’s the vestigial sound of Jupiter before it falls apart.

Best track: 1919 – warmer

2) Oh My Cretacious Jackson - Oh My Cretacious Jackson? (Truth Sounds, 1992)

Paradoxical pop-dance trio Oh My Cretacious Jackson are best known nowadays for their one-hit-wonder from the soundtrack to Super Mario Brothers, Return To The Crazy Space, but the album it featured on sank without trace. A shame, because this almost self-titled album features some of the greatest sounds you’ll hear this side of heaven, and probably irreversibly changed the nature of reality for the better.

Best track: I’m In The Bath (Who Is In The Bath?)

3) Cancel My Netflix Subscription – Most if not all (Gravy, 2012)

With the late-naughties indie boom a thing of the past it fell down to the pleasingly contemporary Cancel My Netflix Subscription (now known as Cancel My Amazon Prime Subscription) to create angular yet miserably dance rock indie ballads. Sounding like a cross between your last favourite album and your next favourite album, Most if not all shows that if indie is dead, then it’s soul has been transferred and it’s living on in the bodies of the members of Cancel

Best Track: Whence

4) 7 Gaz! – 7 Gaz 9 (Verboten, 1972)

If you ask anyone who was alive in 1972 – (which you can – many are still alive) then they will tell you amongst the West Berlin hipsters  1972 was the year of 7 Gaz 9, the East Germany’s “Krautrock” pioneers 4th album. An influence on all that followed and came before it, 7 Gaz 9 sounds like a melted glass sofa infused with a golden handshake, but in German. It still sounds like the future.

Best Track: Auf Mein Trabant

5) The Windows 95 – Grouse (Helen, 1999)

After the demise of Stormie Xerxes’ cult band Splicer, few thought that he would regroup within 6 weeks and create this, his 90-minute masterpiece Grouse. Simultaneously prog and punk, old and new, up and down, The Windows 95 proved to be as short-lived as the lawsuit brought it to it’s knees and all the albums were pulped.  Thom Yorke and Alan Moore are among the few people who still own a copy which has passed into legend through scarcity, even though it is on Spotify.

Best track: track 6

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3 Michael Ironside Films With Substantial IT Failures

1) The one where they forget to protect the modem from attacks by psychics in phone boxes.

2) The one where poor testing, poor separation of concerns, and increased project scope, leads to Terminator:Salvation

3) The one where they should really have just killed Quaid. That’s just an accident waiting to happen.

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5 Jeff Goldblum Films featuring substantial IT failures

 

goldblumIT1) Insubstantially vetted IT Contractor Who Writes An Inproperly Audited Nonstandard Security System With Backdoors And Single Points Of Failure Park

2)  The Perils Of Having Your Alien Mothership Run on Single-User System Written In the 1980s Day

3) The Lost World: Oh no we’re still dealing with the fall out of the Insubstantially vetted IT Contractor Park

4) Honey For Some Reason My Teleporter’s Computer Cares More About DNA Splicing Than Is Probably Necessary

5) The Grand There Aren’t Any Computers In This Hotel

goldblum-jurassic-park

Next week: Michael Ironside!

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JOB INTERVIEW TIPS

1) Spent at least 3 months already working there

Before each job interview, remember that you must already want to work there so much that you probably already work there. Otherwise, how would you know how much you want to work there? This is a great way to find out about the company culture and their products, as well as whether or not you are suitable for the job in question.

Alan Oboe, CIO, Interactive Rabbit: “Already having a job there shows commitment and passion. I would certainly think twice at employing someone I didn’t already employ unless they sucked, maybe”

2) Do not climb out of the window during the interview if you don’t have a pass to get out

Companies frown on this; they have spent a lot of time and money providing doors for their employees and visitors to enter and exit the building at will. Climbing out of the window implies that not only do you not care about this but you are also a maverick risk taker, and most companies do not want this. Furthermore, sometimes the windows are not on the ground floor, making this technique physically dangerous.

Klondike Delphi, Procurement Advisor at Elvis Xbox; “I would certainly think twice about employing someone who climbed out of a window. However, if they climbed in through the window, that would show ingenuity; though maybe it depends on which window”

3) Prepare some stock answers

Remember; at the interview the potential employer wants to know the real you, so it is a good idea to prepare some stock answers to make it harder for them to find this out. For example, when they ask how you might have resolved a conflict, it is best to not mention the time you killed a man.

Chester Kohandis, chief recruiter at Barclay Barclay Abs Consulting says “the best candidates look like they can think on their feet by preparing a complex yet consistent web of lies to create the impression of a suitable human being.”

4) Wear shoes

Listen: you aren’t some kind of mad hippy! Wear some damn shoes! It’s well known that 47% of first impressions are down to feet. The only time it is acceptable to not wear shoes is if you have fantastic feet – and even then, it’s best to ask beforehand.

Dole Vandatch, CEO, Aspire Systematics: “We used to get a lot of candidates without shoes on until we started to put a layer of broken glass outside our interview room.”

5) Do not fart unless the interviewer farts first

That’s just politeness.

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5 People You Won’t Believe Actually Don’t Exist??

1) The Queen

The Queen is an old woman who lives in big houses and all she does is wear a big hat. Think about it: the cat in the hat isn’t real, the Mad Hatter isn’t real, the rock band Queen aren’t real, the old woman who lives in a shoe isn’t real – so why is the Queen?? Think about it. Think.

2) Batman

Despite documentary evidence, including drawings dating back to the 1930s, Batman does not exist. He is actually the product of comics artist DC “Bruce” Wayne “Comics”, a popular shamen from Metropolis.

3) The Fresh Prince

The Fresh Prince is not real, he is a character in a TV show. However, the actor Will Smith is real, although nothing else is.

1) Me

This article was pre-written by a computer. Also, you imagined it.

2) You

You do not exist. I imagined you, after you imagined me. Perhaps. This explains the general half-arsedness of this article. If you were real you would have imagined something better.

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4 MOST DANGEROUS ROADS IN THE WORLD – Number 3 will make you poo your pants!

 1) Death Bridge, Londontowerbridge2

Death Bridge in London was opened in 1943 in order to confuse potential nazi invaders. To cross it drivers must accelerate to 90 miles an hour, ride up the side and go across the top or turn into a boat.

2) The (Death) Science Lab, Micro Machines 96

sciencelab

This road is incredibly dangerous; you have to wait until the sponges line up.

3) Death Avenue, San Diego

dinosaurBuilt in 1742 by early Spanish settlers, Death Avenue features flying cars and dinosaurs. In those days, travellers used to take extra horses to feed to the dinosaur, but tourists these days are simple advised to carry surplus steaks. It’s much safer these days but still 19 people die there each day.

4) Death Boat Roaddeathboat

The only road to cross the Pacific, Death Boat Road is a floating road. Not only does that mean it sways from side to side in choppy weather, but it also features a large number of gaps between sections and also the risk of fighter jets landing on you. It’s certainly not for the faint hearted!

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