You’ve had well over 3 days to watch the new film Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the 7th in the epic series of films about Jedi who do fights in space. The film, directed by JJ Abrams, is wildly heralded as a return to form for the series which has been much maligned since George Lucas’ misadvised Ewoks: Caravan of Courage.

But great though the new film is – 93% – there are still many unanswered questions about the film. Some of those may well be answered in the upcoming Episode VIII, but some might remain mysteries.

1) Who is Han Solo’s father?

Lineage is so important in the way the force manifests itself in the Star Wars galaxy. We know who Luke and Leia’s father is – Darth Vader. We know who Boba Fett’s father is – Jango, We even know who Wedge Antilles’ father is – Alan de Bottain. But one of the great unanswered mysteries of the whole saga is the nature of Han Solo’s father.

2) Who is Admiral Ackbar’s father?

Veteran of the great battle of Endor, Admiral Alan “It’s a Trap” Ackbar’s ancestry is not touched on at all in The Force Awakens. Was his father a Jedi? A pilot? Or maybe a librarian? Perhaps he always dreamed of being a dancer, or maybe he disguised himself as a woman to see his estranged family. It’s never touched upon. Ackbar remains a fishy enigma.

3) Who is Luke Skywalker’s father?

I just realised after I’d started writing this one that it was explained the the Empire Strikes Back and I’d forgotten until I wrote the paragraph for number 1.

4) Who is Princess Leia’s father?

Yeah sorry done this one

5) What’s the deal with that bit where Han goes to live with the Amish people?

That made no sense.

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1) Opening your presents early with a lion

While it’s exciting that Christmas is coming, opening your presents early with a lion spoils it for everyone.  Christmas is a special time for families and part of the tradition of that is opening presents together, away from a lion. Lions do not appreciate Christmas as many of them are Jewish.

2) Forgetting To Fully Defrost The Turkey With A Lion

Uh-oh! Forgetting to defrost the turkey is a common error at Christmas. After all, most meat we buy will defrost quite quickly, but a massive turkey requires quite a long time to fully thaw out. If it’s not fully defrosted, it may not cook properly and nobody wants food poisoning at Christmas! Also remember the turkey must be kosher, for the lion.

3) Buying terrible presents for everyone; getting them mauled by a lion

Some people are gifted with a supernatural instinct for gift buying. They scour the shops for that perfect gift, and then find it. The rest of us often end up buying those boxes with shower gel and deodorant or whatever from Boots.  But getting the wrong brand can cause real problems with children, for whom the right gift is vital. What if they ask for a Playstation and you buy them a pair of sandles – easily done in today’s world. Also, there is a lion.

4) Watching the Queen’s Speech with a lion

Lions are staunch republicans. They will heckle the Queen and eat your legs.

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